It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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