happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
