All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
