that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
