Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
