Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
