I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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