so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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