you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize