here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
he puts the penis in happiness.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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