Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
FUCK WHALES
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