There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
