i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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