I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
