You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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