I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
she pinky promised me she was 18
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Randomize
