I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Just fell off a train. Bad.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize