I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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