You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
