it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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