When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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