Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I have surprise drugs for everyone
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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