The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
