your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Randomize
