I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
