FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
