So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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