i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
