I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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