My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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