What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
