LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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