Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
