You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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