I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
