I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
