I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
