I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize