Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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