I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
