I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
