oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
