She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize
