so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
