im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
