I got chris browned last night
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
