Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
