my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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