i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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