Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
