Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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