Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
