Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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