I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
where are my eyebrows?
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