We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
