So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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