Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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