Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Hippo gnu deer
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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