matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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