my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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