just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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