My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
