my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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