we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Randomize
