Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
