We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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