i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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