He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
