I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
