I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
