im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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