it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
