Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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